. . . that there are two basic types of pregnant people (and I say "people" rather than "women" because their husbands/boyfriends/significant others do the same thing).
The first type of pregnant people are those who are normal, regular people who just happen to be growing an extra person inside them. It may come up in conversation, it may not. If it does, it doesn't feel like they're rubbing it in anyone's face; it's just how they happen to be. Hearing them talk about their pregnancy feels about as traumatizing as hearing them say they brushed their teeth that morning. It's just part of the regular routine and nothing to get worked up about.
They are the pregnant people I can hang out with and feel comfortable and not stressed. They're still fun to be with and easy to talk to. Heck, I could talk to them for hours about what color they're painting the nursery and still feel happy and zen and glad to know and be around them, and even be excited for their pregnancy, without grieving for my own.
The second kind are those who are HOLY CRAP I AM ****PREG-NANT***** AND DID I MENTION I AM PREGNANT? Everything is about them and their pregnancy. Because did you know they're PREGNANT? (Oh, and did I mention they're pregnant?) Just as nearly every Relief Society lesson in Utah County turns into "Why Being a Mother is Amazing," no matter where the conversation is going, these people are PREGNANT. "I went to the grocery store and I'm pregnant. I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers and I'm pregnant. The square root of 179 is 13.379088160259652 and I'm pregnant. We're living in nuclear winter and I'm pregnant. An asteroid is heading for the Earth with an imminent impact in 17 seconds but GUESS WHAT I AM PREGNAAAAAAAAANT!!!!! Isn't it SUCH A BLESSING TO BE PREGNANT?!?!"
Conversation with these people is no fun. It's an ordeal to be got through with plenty of clenched teeth and internal recitations of Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall or whatever other mantra will be sufficiently distracting. When I see these people coming I hide behind the nearest tree or duck into the next room or hallway because even a thirty second conversation with these people can shatter the delicate balance of my zen-itude for a week at a time. And by shatter I mean make me NEED to find the most fattening food available and wallow in it. Cry on and off for a day and a half. Sink, as Anne Shirley would say, into the depths of despair and start worrying that this will never happen, or it will happen again exactly like it did before, or that I'm not healing right, or, or, or, maybe I'd better start on that second pint of ice cream.
Because THEY ARE PREGNANT (and did they mention they were pregnant?).
And I'm not.
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So accurate. So true. You completely crack me up. On infertility humor: http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=2640
ReplyDeletePeople can be so thoughtless and self-centered sometimes. Even if those people don't know about your infertility, it's just plain rude to be so inwardly turned! I am sorry and I'm glad you wrote about it- hopefully it's as cathartic for you to write as it was entertaining for us to read.
ReplyDeleteI am very, very sorry and I love you. Now here's some pretty music to listen to ;)
ReplyDeleteOh man, you're spot on with this one. I have already concluded that I when the day comes that I find myself in a family way I am never going to announce it. I will just wait and wait and at some point it will be so obvious that someone will get up enough nerve to actually ask the question that has become unspeakable. And then I'll pretend to be all offended and stuff.
ReplyDelete*snirt* I guess that means I'll have to make a point of asking you from time to time, then, Meg. You know, just to make sure I don't miss out on any exciting news. (Because you know I would put you squarely in category number one.)
ReplyDeleteI must say, that's a very Regency approach to being in the family way, Meg. ;)
ReplyDeleteI totally know how you feel (and consequently we should talk more!) We've been trying for almost 4 years and have discovered fertility problems and I know exactly what you mean about those two kinds of people. There's also the ridiculously rude people that offer to have a baby for you (true story), or ask if you need eggs (another true story) and many other heartbreaking comments. I feel ya sister. I don't know why we're both experiencing this but I'm grateful for our loving HF to help us through it! (and His help in holding me back from punching a lot of women...)
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Keeping up with friends blogs and discovered this today, Libbet. Just have to share my breakdown last week. I had to run out and call home for a scream/cry after sacrament when the high council speaker just had to tell us his inspiring story of meeting his wife ten seconds after returning from his mission. "So, you see, if I can find someone, so can you." But you, yeah you, the almost 29 year old living in the wilds of Ohio, forget it. While I cannot feel your pain, I understand your loathing for particular actions. Mine revolve around wedding/courtship talk. Bleh. Love you, kid.
ReplyDeleteI just had that experience when I was pregnant with two other girls in my ward and we were only within 3 weeks of each other and I could never talk. They had to talk constantly about them, their pregnancies, etc. It came to a point that I would just sit there, quietly, nod and move on. They didn't really, truly care about me or how I was doing. It was more of a race to see who found out what they were having first, who gained the least amount of weight, who dilated faster and who delivered the first. I wasn't worried about any of that and therefore I guess I "won" most of those catagories. Funny!! Sometimes they just need to talk about themselves, kind of like a low self esteem issue or something. I'm not quite sure but I totally agree with all you've been saying and I'm sorry you have to hear about it all. You are such a trooper and such a great friend to those who need your support. I hope that when that wonderful day comes you will announce it to the world and I will want to hear nothing but all about YOU BEING PREGNANT! You deserve to talk as much as you want about yourself.
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