Today was my due date.
My day started out bright and early with an 8:00 class. Well, early for me, anyway. And actually not bright at all because it was snowing -- the light, slushy kind that's more like rain that's just trying a little too hard but is still no fun to walk or drive in -- and dark. Dark enough that I almost didn't wake up on time because, obviously, if it's still that dark it's not early enough to be getting out of bed. At least it cleared up the nasty, nasty, NASTY smog we've been breathing for the last few weeks.
And I thought to myself, Well, at least Shallow Man doesn't have to drive me to the hospital in the snow.
Because I do try to look on the bright side when possible. And I really didn't want to have any kind of breakdown today.
So I went one further: I am grateful that I did not have to ride to the hospital in the snow with Shallow Man (a native Floridian; remind me to tell you about the first Christmas he spent with my family when it snowed nearly 16" in 24 hours) behind the wheel.
And one more: I'm glad that said ride did not happen while I was looking down the barrel of giving birth to a child for the first time. Because I can't imagine that particular set of circumstances would be terribly zen-inducing.
But I had to stop there. Because I really would rather have gone through all of that if it meant I'd be holding my baby in my arms tonight.
And I did make it through the day without a breakdown. Which is pretty amazing considering the far-above-average number of detailed delivery stories that were told to me today. Purely by chance. Because I'm lucky like that.
Realistically, of course, I know that I would probably still have been pregnant at this point anyway, because, hey, I'm always running late and any child of mine would obviously have several of my genes. But I'd rather think about my baby than about waiting, because, well, I do a lot of waiting as it is.
And then I need to think of the bright side again.
So.
At least I didn't have to ride to the hospital in the snow today.
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Your time will come!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I know how it feels about waiting, but I can't imagine being so close and then it not happening. You are such an amazing person and I look up to you and your quiet strength more than you know.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how to comment on this post. Saying "sorry" just doesn't seem like enough. How sad! I hope that this year brings a sweet little baby, just like you asked Santa for!
ReplyDeleteYou are LOVED!!! So very much, by a countless host here and on the other side. I believe Heavenly Father (and company) send us those "bright side" reminders to help pull us through. I'm glad you could recognize those ones that were sent just for you this day! I hope that any/every day that you need them, you will be bombarded!! *hug*
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. I'm glad you got through the day!
ReplyDelete. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and a few tears for Jam.
ReplyDeleteI really love you. I'm sorry that I'm so chronically obtuse. I'm sorry for my confused phone call. I love you, and I can't wait for tomorrow.
You deserve a moment of silence today. I'm so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteWow! My friend's due date was today also and she lost her baby back in October. I'm so sorry for all the waiting, all the sadness and the uncertain tomorrows. You are strong and so wonderful to think positively.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers. I wish I lived closer so we could go do something. All my love!!!!